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Archive for October, 2009

Brave.

“I’m convinced that owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” Brene Brown

I want to be brave. We’ll see…

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Wondering….

“Women lose their lives not knowing they can do something different… I claimed myself and remade my life. Only when I knew I belonged to myself completely did I become capable of giving myself to another, of finding joy in desire, pleasure in our love, power in this body no one else owns.” Dorothy Allison, From Two or Three Things I Know for Sure

I don’t feel like I belong to myself. I feel like I’ve lost myself…but when. It’s funny, but I actually know just when. There was a time, about eleven years ago when I had really thrown myself in head over heals and gotten married to a man I believed was the love of my life. Very quickly things went poorly and he was unhappy, angry, and I felt completely confused, depressed, even suicidal. I had a miscarriage, a mentor in my life died, and I couldn’t find my way through my own life. For the next ten years I couldn’t reconcile who I was and how my life was going. I felt trapped, like I was constantly failing. Some good things happened, and I made some good decisions, but also some bad ones. But mostly I survived, I just survived – each day and sometimes each hour.

I need to sort out who I am, find myself – that sounds corny, but it’s really directly on the mark. How do I take care of myself, nurture a sense of passion and direction, do more than just get through the day without disappointing anyone….

Now I just wonder what to do next, how to move forward….and what will happen next. I want to feel hopeful…DSCN1230

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Fun photos.

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Great quote.

“The world breaks everyone and afterwards many are strong at the broken places.” Ernest Hemingway

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Busy weekend.

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Love this shot.



DSCN0898, originally uploaded by susanhessler.

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