Archive for January, 2010

Goodbye 2009.

2009 was perhaps the most challenging year of my life. I started the year knowing my marriage was over and ended it with my divorce becoming final (12/23). I believed he was the love of my life, and my heart has been broken. Not an experience unfamiliar to the human race, but not at all fun when it’s you experiencing it. Now I get to move on. And, just to give me one good push on my way – he is moving in with a woman. So, not fantasies about reconciliation…it is really, really, really over.

I spent the first half of 2009 not sleeping. In January I realized I could not keep my family going and safe alone – my youngest son has severe nonverbal autism and doesn’t sleep and sometimes acts irrationally. So we searched, found and then fought to partner with a group home. It was very emotional and difficult, but we found the most wonderful small home (just 4 boys) with a staff of 40 and open, authentic, caring hearts. My son moved in at the beginning of September and we share him – literally. He spends every other day with us and sleeps there every night but one. So every night but one I get to sleep.

Sleep is not an easy discipline when you’ve lost the habit – but I’m willing to try. I am finding that as my body begins to rest, my mind is relaxing. My days are less crisis management and more reflective. I am beginning to find my place in my own life again. Sleep is so essential to human physical and mental health. I learned that when a person has a mental health crisis that requires hospitalization the first thing the professionals do is put them to sleep. The professionals know sleep is always a deficit for those in crisis. I’m looking forward to inhabitting a body and a life that is not in crisis.

photo by irenesuchocki

2009 is also the year my oldest daughter got engaged. She will be married in July to a really nice young man. I will be the mother-of-the-bride. Wow!


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